I’ve seen so many positive stories from people who have attempted suicide in the past, who are now loving life. They’ve managed to get their life on track, they’ve found a partner who adores them, they have a family, a house, good friends, etc. It’s normally accompanied by the words, “it gets better, hold on”.… Continue reading I attempted suicide, but I’m still suicidal?
TRIGGER WARNING ~~ predatory behaviour, rape, pedophile This is a bit of a pointless blog post; there's no profound meaning behind it, no insights, no answers. Just questions and confusion and a whole bunch of messed up behaviours. I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows how hard it is to find a good… Continue reading Unanswered Questions
TW potential gaslighting, talk of emotional/physical abuse and suicidality. Note: I am really unsure if any of this could be considered gaslighting, it's still a relatively new concept for me. I don't know if it's gaslighting, or if my husband just seems to be a selfish person. As you may be aware, I grew up… Continue reading Gaslighting?
TW: Suicide Five months ago my life completely fell apart. I was dealing with flashbacks and a possible cancer diagnosis, and so as part of my self-care routine I was watching Brooklyn 99 (only the greatest show in the universe). It was the episode where Terry’s ex comes to review the 99 and he and… Continue reading To stay or walk?
TRIGGER WARNING: Rape To my second rapist, What can I say? After Jared, I was already broken when you got your hands on me, but I can't pretend that you didn't break me even further. You were just another in the chain of guys who showed me that I wasn't anything more than a tool… Continue reading An open letter to my second rapist
TW: Self harm, rape, suicide 2018: the year from hell. That’s how I’ve come to think of the last year, and I am so thankful it’s finally over. I know that a new year doesn’t just magically make all of your problems go away, but there’s something refreshing about starting a new year, like it’s… Continue reading 2018: the year from hell
Physical illnesses and mental illnesses individually are already so incredibly hard, but what about when they're paired together? Well, that's the situation that I'm currently facing, so I guess I'm about to find out. A little over two weeks ago, I noticed a lump in my neck, and purely out of fascination, I showed my… Continue reading Depression with a cancer scare
TRIGGER WARNING: Rape, childhood rape To my first rapist, Something I wonder quite often is, do you ever think about me? Or have you completely wiped me from your memory? I don’t know why it matters to me, but it does. I honestly can’t imagine that you do think about me. But I think… Continue reading An open letter to my first rapist
Today my arms are stinging. It was just another day where fresh scars are added to my arms. I keep trying and trying to fight back against my depression and anxiety and trauma, and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. I feel like no matter how hard I try to fight, it will never be… Continue reading Today I’m not okay
TW: Suicidal thoughts Sometimes that feeling - that feeling of wanting to not exist, that everything is too hard, you can't escape it, extreme sadness, wanting to step in front of a truck going 200km/h - is so strong that it's impossible to ignore. It's so strong, so overwhelming, that it's literally the only thing… Continue reading Depression won’t destroy me